Setting Healthy Boundaries

setting

The holidays are upon us and given COVID, you may be spending them with just your bubble of friends and family. Regardless of who you spend the holidays with, it can be a time when your health boundaries are tested. If you have committed to reducing weight, eating less sugar, or even adding more exercise, this time of year can make those plans go out the window.

It doesn’t have to be that way though. I’d like to encourage you to commit now to your health goals so you can set good boundaries around keeping those goals.

Want some easy tips?

When someone in your family buys cookies and you are committed to eating less sugar and processed foods, what do you do? Probably, grab the box out of their hands and demand, “How could you buy these? I told you I wanted to eat less sugar through the holidays?”

Don’t ignore your needs, but don’t call them out because that can put them on the defensive. It’s an issue that needs solving. Even if giving up sugar can help your partner, that’s up to them. But you giving up sugar needs to be respected as well. Be direct and specific in what you need and what you need them not to do.

Try this instead. Thank them for any support they’ve shown you along this process. Ask them to put the cookies in a place where you won’t see them and be tempted. Ask them directly not to buy them in the future. Let them know you need their support and respect for the boundaries you’ve set.

Approaching it in this way will allow the other person to not feel shamed or attacked. It will be a win for both parties and keep your relationship on a positive note. Remember, it’s hard to be a new person in an old place. Your partner, who bought the cookies, may be longing for the time when you used to eat cookies with them after dinner and share your day. Think about how you can create that happy shared feeling without the cookies.

Discussion rather than acting it out.

Sometimes it just feels easier to get mad then sit down and talk it out. You may need to renegotiate your relationship and how you work with one another. Any moment has the potential for sabotage, so be prepared with your response.

Assertive communication

What is it? It’s being appropriate, clear, and direct, not aggressive. Just because you’re in a long standing relationship, you can’t assume they know what you need. They may think you’re just on “another” diet. Take the time to explain where you are coming from and then they may be more supportive of your goals. Maybe they forgot, or got the cookies for themselves. It’s not about you. Maybe they weren’t even thinking about you.

You have a thought or feeling that’s important, so you want to communicate that clearly. Try being a coach with that person and pick the best time and how to say what you need.

Don’t say something that is shaming like. “Should you really be having that cake when you’re fighting diabetes?”

Try this instead: “I’ve noticed you’ve been eating more cookies lately and I know you’ve had a stressful week. Is there something going on that you’d like to talk about?”

Food=Love

For many people food=love. I remember my mom always taking me to Dunkin’ Donuts after going to the dentist. It was a way of easing the pain from the experience and showing me some love. Some people make desserts or special meals to show love. They are looking for you to eat the food they make for you to feel loved in return. Try giving them a compliment about how amazing the food looks and if you are eating the meal, compliment them on it. Sometimes that’s what they need to hear and will not try to get you to overeat in an attempt to feel loved. You may even consider looking for another opportunity to share love without it involving food. People do love to connect over food so be creative in alternative ways to feel connected.

Make a plan in advance

If you are planning to attend a gathering, decide in advance what you will eat. Will you try one small dessert or have none? We you only eat something gluten or grain free? Will you have a small sample of everything offered and no second helping? It may sound funny, but when you decide in advance, your brain is more likely to remind you of your commitment and you will stick with it too!

What about alcohol?

Good question. Alcohol can lower your resolve and make sticking to a plan much harder. Remember to decide in advance if you are going to even consume alcohol. And if you do, how many is your max? Drinking water between alcohol drinks will help as well. Or come up with a mocktail that easy like bubbly water with a splash of fruit juice.Want to learn more about setting healthy boundaries?

I’ll be speaking on December 10th at 1pm PST for the final RESET of the year. Let me know if you’d like to join in. It’s a great way to keep sugar consumption low during the holiday, get great support, and set healthy boundaries.Here’s how to join.

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